Often people think of Anger as a destructive force, one that builds up and causes distress and harm. We don’t like to feel anger, it is associated with lack of control and acting out or with childish or aggressive behavior. We dismiss it, ignore it, push it away and repress it inside or we unleash rage on to ourselves and others.
When you are in a relationship with another, anger is bound to come up. A small insignificant gesture, action or word for one person can trigger past injury and hurt in another. Anger, readiness to fight -rises when hurt is on the line. How can you love a person and feel rage? How can you be intimate with a lover and feel irritated by their touch? How can you long for the comfort and care and when it presents itself reject it?
Anger is both a guide and tormentor that can help us assert ourselves and survive difficult situations and send us into isolation or risk all that we are. There are many skills to master the control of anger and it's management yet to be truly informed by it and overcome its destructiveness turning it into an ally that strengthens our voice and guide safe action in our life- we must first acknowledge it. Therapy can help us connect with anger in a different way, truly feel it in a safe place where it will not harm and we will be protected. Therapy can help us understand its origin, heal the wounds and hurts that drive it, find new ways through the fears it harbors and grow as whole complex human beings. To be angry but be free of suffering.
Start by making room for your feelings in a safe way- making sure others and you are not hurt and that if you need help it is available to you. Therapy provides a safe way that allows room for the feeling to come up and for change to begin. You will not be dealing with your anger alone, it is no longer a secret to hide and be ashamed of - it is part of your journey to growth.