Bob Marley said "the truth is everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for". Loving is not without suffering, especially when we lose the ones we love. Sometimes our broken heart is all that we are left with and we hold on to that pain, afraid that without it the memory of the one we loved or the love we shared will be gone.
In the love we lost we are reminded of past losses, injuries and time we needed to be loved and cared for but our needs were not met. We seek out reminders and confirmations of the hurt or isolate our hearts and disconnect our feelings. Our broken heart tells us "you are alone" and we take in the feeling we are unloved and not cared for. In our loneliness difficult feelings overwhelm us, anger and sadness, guilt and shame, we regret and we fear. Difficult feelings that trouble us, and when we cannot tolerate feeling any more- we repress, disconnect and break apart the intolerate feelings at times projecting it into the others and in turn making us feel more rejected and alone.
The broken heart metaphor, broken pieces, divided - disconnected from one another captures the experience of losing the flow of love, and unity of feeling we shared within yourself and with another. It also captures the work of healing that needs to take place- connecting the disconnected parts of yourself, the disconnected feelings we pushed away into the unconscious. To feel love again we most first feel. Love which flows between deep complex emotions connecting us to other people and to the world around us, cannot flow when feelings are blocked- when there are disconnected areas in the self.
How can I love me when I am unloved by others? How can I be loved by others when I do not love myself? And if love is suffering why should I love at all? The experience of being a human being is to love- we thrive in social interactions, our being extends from our mind and our body to the social relationships we have in the world. In Therapy we explore these questions of meaning, we create a relationship between client and therapist were unmet needs can be spoken and unconscious conflicts be resolved. We work in the here and now to connect with feelings and integrate the broken parts in our soul. It is the therapists role to hear the unspoken, unaware needs and bring them into light. The therapist role to share this journey into existential experience and meaning.